She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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