sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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