Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
