listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
