can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
