Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
