I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
