Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
