someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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