You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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