Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
