When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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