Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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