tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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