I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
