There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
