I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
