i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
