we have officially lost it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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