I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
