So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
