I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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