Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
