so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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