I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize