Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
