I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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