Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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