we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
