She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize