he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When are your genitals available?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
