I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
