Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
