I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
