i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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