i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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