He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
