I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
