Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
