She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
