She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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