his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
