My brain says no but my pants say off.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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