I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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