Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
