just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
