im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
