I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
