Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
