ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
