it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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