then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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