guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
