Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
