Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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