WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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