he wants to bone in the snuggie
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
