Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we have pet lesbian snakes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
