you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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