I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
