So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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