'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
