I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
