i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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