Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
