you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
