his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
