my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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