I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
