I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize