Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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