my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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